Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2009, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2008-11-17T06:40:49-07:00 2 daily Why I'll never succeed in the W4M forum! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/922341081.html I've been an avid reader, occasional poster and extremely rare responder of the Craigslist personals for about a year now, and I've noticed some common (and hilarious) threads of interest among the women of Fort Collins. I'd like to take a minute to break it down for you, ghetto style, so you can recognize the following horrific cliches and just maybe avoid getting flagged as spam. <center>ReadySetGo!!!!</center> "Seeking a man that's at least 6 feet tall. I like to wear high heels" - Damn, totally boned here. I'm only 5'8 or maybe 5'9', apparently equaling "somewhere between midget and elf, and therefore undatable", even though the average American male height is 5'10. And 6 feet tall? What kind of shoes are you wearing anyway? Some shit from the lunar landing? Next... "Must love animals" - Great... You mean I have to pretend to like your floofy poodle/chihuahua/norway rat mixed breed long enough to maybe earn some kisses? Or that huge mastiff that's physically capable of kicking me out of your bed? How about the cat that's contemplating using my balls as a scratching post every time I walk around in my boxers? I think I'll exit stage right before the fucker eats my socks again. "Looking for a God-fearing man" - I get the biggest kick out of this one. Why would you be afraid of your own imaginary friend? Seems like you'd better imagine something a little less hostile. I'd suggest Papa Smurf. "Must like the outdoors" - Barring a select few dweebs I've met that live in their parents' basement and mainline Mountain Dew so they can play World of Warcraft for 87 hours straight, most human beings like being outside at some point. Sure, I'll go for a day hike with you. Does that mean I want to live in the woods for a month and wipe my ass with a pine cone? No thanks! "Looking for friends first" - Cool, I'm always down for more friends. Wait, what's that you say? Your hot friend Brittany is single? Excuse me while I ask her for her phone number. "Must love children" - Unlike the mighty lion (who will kill and eat cubs from rival males) I say the more kids, the better! We can open our own sweatshop and they can make you shoes. I call being the manager! "I like having fun" - Whew, what a relief! I'm meeting too many people these days that think having fun sucks. I'm a big fan of fun myself! We have so much in common. "Must like to dance" - Really? Have you ever met a straight guy that wants to go dancing? Wait, I take that back. I do know one guy, but he's from Puerto Rico or something. Come to think of it, he's probably gay. That's right, Jorge - I've got you figured out. "I like going out, but also enjoy staying in for a quiet night at home" - That's great, because staying home or going out and doing something are pretty much the only two options you have. So in conclusion, I say the luck of the Irish be with you lovely ladies of Fort Collins in your search for a badass Daniel Craig-era James Bond lookalike that will dance the Macarena with Mr. Cuddlekins the Poodle whilst purchasing you an all-expenses-paid vacation to Maui. Just keep in mind that Mr. Bond is only 5'10. ****Oh, and if you can break the bounds of the above mentioned issues (and you're hot) send me an email. We can trade pictures or baseball cards. But no trade backs.**** <ul> <li> Location: Fort Knuckle <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-17T06:40:49-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/922341081.html Why I'll never succeed in the W4M forum! text TO THE SIX-FOOT FOUR TRANSVESTITE - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/921041252.html Ill file this under m4w as a compliment to your cross-dressing skills. Our paths crossed when you went to the voting center a few weeks back, presumably to vote. You: -Sporting a miniskirt. Heavy emphasis on "mini." I don't know what you had to do to fold your package in on itself but it was an epic feat (without venturing above the midriff, I might add). I can only imagine it involves a quarter-roll of packing tape and a gram of Vicodin every single day to pull off. Bravo, to you. - Six-foot four. I can't imagine where one finds a miniskirt for a six-foot four man. Is there some WNBA clothing store I'm not aware of? Do you just tape two of them together and call it a day? Being about your height I know how hard it can be to find good-fitting clothes. For men. You found a miniskirt that you managed to contort into right after you taped your balls to your pelvis. - The hair. I know, I know. It's hard enough to shave your face. And the fact that you were born a hairy male isn't helping your cause either. The face was shaved, sadly elsewhere was not. But you wore it proud. I'd classify your grooming as "tranny casual." I do think, though, that if you really want to sell people you're going to have to do something about that back hair. Your tank top, despite a heroic effort, was no match. - The tank top. Whats a boygirl to wear when they go the miniskirt route? You answered definitively by sporting a tank top. Sure, your hair wasnt deterred by a flimsy womens garment, but most people probably stopped at the miniskirt, so whos going to notice, right? I did, buddy. But I think with a good proper razor and some strong discipline, your broad shoulders will finally have the time in the spotlight they so rightfully deserve. - The button. You had no intention of stopping at a miniskirt and tank top. Normal transvestites, dare I say the majority of them, would have ended it there. Not you, good sirmadam. The ALPHA FEMALE button was the icing on your cake. It wasn't a small button, either. Don't worry, if no one had noticed by then that you probably had your package vacuum-sealed to your lower stomach under the miniskirt, then you wouldve been just another tranny walking by. But I tell you that on Election Day, when every man woman and in-between was wearing a button, a thirty-something six-foot four oddly-broad-shouldered individual with a baritone voice wearing a large ALPHA FEMALE button really made a statement. I was very impressed (and nothing more, mind you). <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-16T00:11:15-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/921041252.html TO THE SIX-FOOT FOUR TRANSVESTITE - m4w text Video games and starbucks - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/775415728.html Ok, this is going to sound odd, but the Starbucks near my house has like NO parking in the morning. So, what I'm looking for is a girl who wants to crash out with me the night before, and then in the morning, ride in my car with me past the Starbucks, so I can have someone run in without me having to find parking. I'll pay for the Starbucks and up to one (1) baked item. No venti's. You can leave a tip if the barista (or baristo) is worthy of one, but make sure to bring me the receipt. I understand that we are human beings with needs, so if we should happen to let our bodies get the better of ourselves for hours and hours the night before, then there isn't really much I can do about that, but seriously - this is about coffee - not wildly passionate, kinky, orgasm sessions, ok? OR if you could give me a good blow job while I play video games, that would be even better. The only oral delight taking place will be when those sweet Arabica beans are hitting our lips. Certainly not anything to do with my head between your legs for 20-30 minutes at a time. Got it? Ok, cool. Be sure to send a picture so I can tell we're going to be looking good sipping Starbucks together in my ride (1991 two-tone Saturn). <ul> <li> Location: noco <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-07-29T19:22:00-06:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/775415728.html Video games and starbucks - m4w text Unemployed Broke Girl Seeks Same for Friendship Maybe More http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/617472948.html In an effort to appease my best friend I am finaly posting a personal ad on Craigslist. I have tried explaining to her that I don't currently have a whole lot to offer a potential mate. She scoffs and informs me that I am a great person and that I should at least make an effort. Here it is. This is my effort: I am an unemployed single female seeking a fun guy for friendship and maybe more. I don't want to feel like a leech, desperately clinging to a guy with a fancy schmancy office job (complete with health insurance!) because he can pay for things. I want an equal. A true partner. Being unemployed and broke together as opposed to apart will probably help to boost our self-esteem. Don't worry about taking me anywhere fancy on our first date. I completely understand that the best you can do is inviting me to your studio apartment for some Ramen. I won't mind at all that we sit on orange crates and that an empty cable spool is our table. I will gladly stand on one foot with one foil wrapped hand tightly gripping your television antenna as my other arm reaches towards the window so that we can watch a very scratchy Simpsons rerun. I totally understand that you can't afford cable right now. Don't worry, I can't either! If things go well, perhaps we'll have a second date. This time, you can come over to my place. Don't get any ideas though. Remember, niether one of us can afford condoms. I'll make you Ramen and after we're done eating we can search under my couch cushions for change. Maybe we'll come up with enough to buy a piece of gum from the gas station across the street. We'll have to split it though, because I'm not sure that there is enough change for two double bubbles in my couch. Don't worry about running out of activities just because we're both broke and unemployed. There are plenty of things that we can do together that don't cost any money at all: - Use my neighbor's internet connection to cruise craiglist's "free stuff" for items that we might be able to sell on ebay. - Steal toilet paper from public restrooms when we can't afford to buy any. - Go for walks. - Go for more walks. - Have competitions to see who lost the most weight last week when they couldn't afford any food. - Offer to clean people's windshield's at gas stations for the tip. - I'm sure you can think of even more!!! About two weeks before the end of every month I will expect you to sit on street corners with me as I pathetically attempt to make up rent money buy "playing" the guitar. (If you actually know how to play the guitar, I'll definitely write you back!) If you happen to get a job while I am still unemployed, don't worry. It will be quick and painless to break up with me. I'll feel really crappy about no longer being equal to you and in order to cheer me up you can take me out for a few drinks. Due to the lack of food in my stomach, it will only take about two beers for me to get completely shit-faced and start crying about how I don't want to lose you to your co-workers and asking "who will sit with me on street corners now!?" While I am in this dependent and pathetic state you can take me back to my apartment and finally sleep with me (using the condoms you just bought with your first paycheck). Slip out the door after I pass out and never call me again. I won't try to call you back. After all, by then my phone will have been completely shut off due to lack of payment. All I ask is that if you ever see me on the street corner, still trying to figure out how to play my guitar, leave a dollar in my hat. I am eager and excited to find my new (albeit temporary) partner! Your pic gets mine! <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Fort Collins <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-03-24T18:50:43-06:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/617472948.html Unemployed Broke Girl Seeks Same for Friendship Maybe More text